Shutting down
by MyValentina
Summary: After a terrible week Sara needs some time off to think and contemplate where her life is going. T for now Might change later in the story.... maybe. WIP!
1. Chapter 1

I know it's been a while but I've been feeling bleh about my writting. I looked at this chapter and just needed to do it over. It's basically the same I just made some tweaks with symbols and continuity but I like it and I hope you guys like it cause that's what really matters. 

Disclaimer! I do not own CSI and it's characters. I make this solely out of pleasure. It is in no way used for profit. And with that out of the way...

Wish me luck!

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Shutting down

Chapter 1

1It was another cold, dreary December afternoon in Las Vegas. The sun dipping in and out from behind the dark, long, grey clouds that seemed endless in her mind, but it made no difference. All she saw and all she knew at this moment, when she silently opened her eyes from the restless slumber, was the same with every time she awoke.

It was a frequent feeling of desperation that came and went as it pleased not understanding or caring why it was unwanted. Desperation that could only be quenched with short blissful moments before coming back full and ravishing, like a drug you use to forget and drown in but you never got enough of it to die, so you always need more.

Not that she wanted to die but some days all she wanted was the sleep that only came with eternal slumber. Straining her eyes she tried to adjust herself to the new surrounding.

It was hard to wake up but then again harder to sleep. When your dreams contain that which you try to escape all you yearn is peace.

Warm rays of the day's sunlight were strong, spilling in through the blinds of the window, giving the room an enchanted look to it, pitifully wasted if you asked me, on the scene in the bedroom. Everything was washed in sepia tones. The walls, the floor, the beautiful oak dresser with her black bra hanging off at a weird angle, her khakis pants, her dark blue blouse, his green boxers that she had been so eager to take off him, his feet peeking out of the covers, his biceps connected to his arms which were gently holding her fragile body to his and the comforter that hid the unspeakable sin she had committed.

The fingers on his hands wrapped gently and firmly around her breasts with his head placed awkwardly in the back of her neck.

There she was, what more can I say, lying in a disarray of covers and body parts. Well aware of what had happened yet totally disheveled. She cursed under her breath when the warmth behind her breathed lightly on her neck, sending shivers down to the deepest part of her body.

The thought of this again was about to bring her to tears. The man in the bed shifted his weight and tightened his grip on her small body. The smile was evident on his face as well as the look of sadness in her eyes.

What was supposed to be a night trying to forget her troubles had ended up causing another big one.

As mean as that sounds it's true. She felt sick, all she wanted to do was leave, forget this incident. But then again, maybe she had wanted this, hell; anything was better then wallowing in self pity, but what had seemed to be the solution to her problems now seemed stupid and idiotic.

She was beginning to believe that that was life, just one big mistake.

She just couldn't face him or even look at him. Even his touch she couldn't stand. She slipped out of the warm yet meaningless embrace and like a coward took off toward the door, the smell of sex lingering in her nostrils all the way to her car. Even the cold breezes weren't strong enough to take that awful smell away.

Sara drove avoiding her minds questioning but she knew it was only a matter of time before she would have to answer for her actions.

The light of the now evening sun had been sparing until now, hiding behind an ominous black cloud. It sidestepped the cloud and singed her eyes painfully but did it matter?

No. Pain was something she was used to whether it was physical or all in her head as people had told her. A mind, her mind, is a very dangerous place. If you're not careful it can turn into an enemy that kicks you when you're down, playing dirty tricks when you least expect it.

Ha, that's when you know you're fucked up, she thought as she turned into her apartment parking lot, the car sliding gently into place in one of the spaces. She parked but, her hands still gripped the wheel for dear life.

Focused on her slender fingers she tried to let the shape and intensity of her hands engulf her thoughts. She was running away from what was coming.

The lot was, apparently, gaining more popularity and she had to beg herself to restrain from any emotional let go until she had the courage to stop looking at her hands and actually make it to her dark and lonely room.

The tears culminated but like the professional that she was she kept her composure, smiling when necessary while her "friends" and neighbors decided to chat away their wonderful days to her.

She began to think that she just might have a chance in Hollywood if she ever decided to give up and actually leave sin city.

Her hands trembled violently trying to get the door open; it was the only sign of the storm that she knew was inevitable. The door finally, with a push, opened revealing a hushed, dark sanctuary.

On entering she slammed the door waiting. Her eyes watered but she didn't cry, her body ached but she didn't tremble and her heart pounded loudly in her head but she made no move to silence it as if she had shut down.

Standing, her back on the door, her head looking toward the sky she didn't move. That had to be it, her mind had literally shut down and it was a peace she had forgotten she could feel. Days of overtime, cases, people and talking, NO, not talking, chirping and gaggling it was enough to send anyone over the edge and I guess it finally did her in.

Time passed by without notice and her phone rang constantly but the silence and darkness engulfed her mind. She was resting although to a passerby she might have looked like she was meditating. No, don't be fooled people if she were in a bed she would have been sleeping but unfortunately she hadn't gotten that far.

Well, not really sleeping, she had simply turned off. Whatever you want to call it she was fulfilling one of life's necessities, sex, sleeping and eating and it filled her to actually be resting for a change.

The room dimmed drastically as the sun reached it's final stretch before laying down to sleep but she didn't move, she barely breathed she just was.

Finally something snapped her out it. Vibrations, deep vibration, that carried through her whole body.

At first she thought it could have been her head pounding agitatedly but it turned out that it was the door she was using to lie on. Yes, the door was pounding violently and calling her name.

What? Her mind had snapped back to investigator mode. Why would the door be calling my name? Her name was called again this time louder and with feeling she hadn't noticed before now. Someone on the other side of the door seemed to want her. She could feel it in his voice and the way her name laid aggressively on his tongue. She could feel the quiver of the door being bombarded by her name and she wanted to sink into the vibration but a chain of thoughts blinked into her mind.

Grissom, work, I'm late! So much for peace, she scrambled to turn around but her limbs were sore and rigid. The legs that supported her for more than three hours felt like jelly and weren't stable enough for walking. She noticed this as she tried to turn around to open the door and ended up on the floor.

"Sara?" The voice came again, "Are you in there?" The door pounded fiercely at the sound of her body hitting the floor but she didn't answer. Her voice was lost while she concentrated on at least getting the door open.

"Sara, please open the door!" on her knees her arms flailed until she held the knob firmly in her hands.

"Open. This. Door!" Sara yanked on the door and it swung open the, force sending her to her back with a thunk. She sat there on her floor emitting grunts that were both loud and startling.

"Sara!?" yelled a very astounded Grissom. The sight of this woman he barely recognized created a million and one question he needed answered now.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

He was ready to leave sure that she was not home. Sure that she was off in trouble, maybe being stopped by police at this moment or in a cold jail cell.

He was sure she was in her car on her way home or in the arms of another man. He was so sure she was just pissed at him and not opening the door.

Really the only thing he was sure of was that he didn't know anything about Sara's personal life and that left him to contemplate all sorts of things that weren't true.

His right hand lying on the door's soft wood, he heard it. It was right on the other side of the door, like something had fallen and hit the floor.

"Sara!" he shouted this time with renewed hope that maybe she was home. "Sara?" Again her name graced his lips as he pounded on the door once again. He asked fiercely, "Are you in there?"

He pleaded hoping that would make the stupid door open. Sara please open the door." And when that didn't work he was done being polite.

"Open. This. Door!" Roaring the last word the door trembled, suddenly opening it surprised Grissom and sent his heart beating even faster then it already was.

His eyes met nothing but air. She wasn't standing there and the lack of her figure pained him somehow, but not as much as when he looked down.

There she was, but he didn't want to believe it. This ragged person sitting in front of him could not be Sara it was unfathomable.

Her dark hair frizzled and unkempt fell to the sides of her face only leaving parts of her features visible in between the mess. His gaze wandered down to her body, the immense wrinkles in her clothes catching his eye. Those wrinkles only came from being slept in or left on the floor and Sara wasn't the kind of person to leave her clothes on the ground then put them back on before washing or at least ironing them.

His feet seemed to consume her line of vision and the dulled look on her face was nothing compared to the look plastered on his. He was glad she was focused on his shoes. Surprised wasn't the word to describe the look on Grissom's face, better was the term astonished: very surprised, horrified. Yep, that hit the nail on the head.

Maybe this wasn't Sara. He had mistaken other woman for Sara before. Maybe it was a relative of hers or better yet a friend. Yes, a friend that looked extremely like her.

But he was too smart for this, deep down he knew this inebriated woman at his feet was Sara, plain and simple. Getting over the initial shock shed new light on the situation. He was angry.

How could she do this, she was being irresponsible and not herself. Never in the time that she had worked for him had he seen her miss work for something as stupid as getting drunk. He didn't understand what was going on, so many questions needed to be answered and he was going to make her talk.

Bending low he grasped her hands roughly in his and gracefully pulled her to her feet making her face visible for the first time that evening. She looked right into him, her eyes gazing fixedly on Grissom, making him feel uneasy and vulnerable. Pushing the feelings aside he shook her a bit to try to get a reaction but she just kept staring. Her face blank of feeling her eyes hiding something in there brown void.

He spoke to her loudly hoping that it would get through to her, "Sara! Sara, are you drunk?" Grissom saw her face grow hurt and angry. Then instead of supporting Sara he was restraining her. That simple phrase had enough force to knock Sara into the waking world and out of the little bit of peace she had left.

She pushed off of him with unexpected force, while mumbling incoherently and Grissom just had to ask again, "Sara, did you hear me? Are you drunk?"

He watched as she uneasily walked away from him, swaying with each step, just trying to keep her balance. Her raspy voice broke the silence that had occupied the room.

"No!" She coughed in an attempt to clear her throat, "I'm not drunk Grissom," She paused, "If anything, I'm far from it!"

What gave her the nerve to lie to his face? She was obviously drunk and yet she lied.

"Right, you're not drunk." His sarcastic tone made Sara turn in disbelief. "May I ask if you were planning on coming to work tonight?"

Her stutter hurt him. He stared at her just waiting for response, knowing it was just another lie. "I was on my way out when you knocked." Her words were poison to hear, from a person that he held in so much respect.

Angrily he contradicted her, "Really, you don't seem ready for work. If I'm not mistaken you're wearing the same thing you were wearing last night! Not to mention your inability to walk straight, Sara!"

He watched her slender hands rise up to soothe her head, "Get out of my apartment this is none of your business." Her voice had become incredibly soft but he could still feel the anger and frustration that was hiding beneath the lines. He snapped.

"None of my business! When one of my CSI is to drunk to get herself to work, to open the door, of course it's my business!"

He saw the anger well up in her, she yelled at him with all she had, "I'm NOT DRUNK!" The fierceness of her yell made her stumble forward towards him. Something inside him wanted to stand by and watch her fall to the hard floor but it didn't get to the better of him.

Grabbing her arm tightly he tried to lead her to the couch but his attempt was swatted by her hands. She just slapped him away again. Grissom stared as she walked up to the couch by herself to stable her shaking body.

He looked away, his emotions conflicting with his thoughts. In the time he had gotten to this familiar yet alien apartment his head had been spinning with thoughts that made him question the existence that he was so used to and he wasn't even half way through the evening. He had to get to the bottom of this.


End file.
